aww, here it goes...

The following, I'm afraid, has nothing to do with my adventures in France, unless you count my abject frustration at not being at home to do something constructive about it. Suffice to say, the depths to which the SIN newspaper has fallen disgust me. As the only student-run paper published by my university, the articles and "think-pieces" published therein serve to represent and also to influence the opinions of the student body. The fact that somebody has genuinely been commissioned to write an article entitled "Getting The Shift" more or less indicates that we're all fucked. 

After having read extracts from this disgusting, poorly-written piece of rubbish, I feel more and more appalled that NUIG would actually allow something like this to be published in an otherwise fairly reputable student newspaper. The article itself is laughably bad - the writer's grasp of grammar and syntax is ridiculous, as is their heavy reliance on idiotic, poorly drawn similes to create humour. Yes, scoring a girl is exactly like scoring a goal, you even put a ball in a hole! Oh, you! Your subversion and wit astound me. I can hold myself in check no longer - please, take me now. 

Oh, but Emma. You're not being entirely fair. After all, it's not the writer's fault that they're hardly worthy of the moniker, unable as they seem to string a sentence together in any cohesive manner. A person can be forgiven for having no discernible literary talent. What I absolutely cannot, and will not, forgive are the horrific attitudes towards women demonstrated repeatedly in this snivelling excuse for journalism - not least the fact that these are commended by the student population to the extent that they're published weekly. Evidently, it isn't just the budding journalist in question who feels this way; the article is followed, no doubt, by hordes of like-minded young bucks. According to the writer in question, if we do, in fact, want sex, we must get the girl in question intoxicated, separate her from her friends and lie consistently to her, talking as much bullshit as is necessary to convince her into leaving the club with us. Watch and learn, boys. This right here is a foolproof path to Getting The Ride - or Sociopathy for Dummies, depending on your stance. Honesty, personal charm and respect? Clearly, these all went out the window when the young men in question finally grasped the far-reaching consequences of karma-engendered erectile dysfunction. Or, you know, crippling personality disorders. I suppose I oughtn't to be surprised, lads. Of course you have to prey upon her like the repulsive, Jager-chugging vulture you are - isolate her from her friends, lie to her and get her good and drunk. You're a hideous cretin, after all. She'd hardly go near you under any other circumstances. No... no. Trust me. She wouldn't. 

I am impotent with rage that SIN allow this sexist swill to be published each week, and I place the blame as much on the shoulders of the editorial staff as I do on those of the writer and others of his ilk. Because this is not ironic, or tongue-in-cheek, or a witty little examination of contemporary male-female relations. It is nothing more than a poorly-written crash course in how to get a girl drunk enough that she doesn't realise what she's doing. Classy, SIN, wonderful. Keep it up. This is just what we all need to read on a weekly basis. Personally, I don't think I'm objectified enough as a female. I want more! Next week, could you provide an instruction manual for outright sexual intimidation? Or date rape? I mean, it's all tongue-in-cheek anyway, isn't it?

It is in no way impossible or unheard of for a man to abide by the premises  of common decency and consideration - I wouldn't enjoy healthy familial, romantic and platonic relationships with them if they didn't. For the minority of you who don't? Keep reading Getting The Shift, and articles like it. Because it's funny, right? It's irony. It's not meant to be offensive. Those stupid feminists will complain about anything. Then kick back and relax for the evening - go on, you deserve it after all those big words - with your Kleenex, your Vaseline and your Redtube, secure in the knowledge that you remain intellectually inferior and a worthless piece of shit.